Love

I know some of you know, I just got back from Africa and spend about 17 days doing missionary work. It was an amazing experience and I can't wait to share more, in the meantime, I want to share with you little parts of my journal! 

 Muah!

Day 5

Love 

Over the years, I have asked that question to God. What is love?

Especially, over the last 4 years, after living with someone for 13 years, or having people in my life that have taken me for granted. I always was troubled with the meaning of love. Always questioning, how can someone love and yet take you for granted? How can someone love and treat you in such an unfair way?! 

After having my first child, I experienced love in a different kind of way, but yet, I started to understand that I cannot wrap the word LOVE around my son, because then that would not be healthy for any of us. Then after I became a single mom, I started to understand that I needed to find LOVE within me to be able to Love others and to love and appreciate relationships. I also learned that I should never expect to find happiness in the measure of love that I would receive from others. I must simply and genuinely Give it. We live in a society that ties the word LOVE with a very strong grip on marriage, a "relationship" as the Ultimate Meaning of LOVE, that it is so hard on some of us to be able to Co-Exist after a "breakup". 

But we got it all wrong, I have realized that I carry infinite amounts of LOVE within me, and I have to be able to be open and vulnerable enough to give it. I have realized that only when I find the place within me to accept and to love myself, I would not be able to comprehend its meaning. 

Today we traveled 2 and a half hours on a bus to visit the children of the school that our church started to build 3 years ago at the Mbare village. No source of water up in the mountain, only Adobe houses, no bathrooms

For us this was just a little "sacrifice" on our part to make it out there to deliver toys, schools supplies, etc. Now, for Them We Were their EVERYTHING! And I don't know about you my friends but that is just plain Love. Joyful people regardless of the situation, living conditions etc., they give you love. Material things were not that important to them but WE were. Our ACT of caring delivers LOVE and in return we have an immense overwhelming feeling of LOVE in return. 

So what is LOVE I ask you.

To me Love is Christ within me, He is the source of my soul and spirit, HE is my everything. 

Some people could not understand why I would want to come to Africa especially being a single mom Of 2 children. And I say why not?! I love my children very much and I have found God's Love within me, there is nothing to fear. I walk on faith because I understand we are ALL made for a special Purpose and I trust in Him completely to guide me in finding mine. 

And I thank Him for planting the Desire in me heart and for giving me the Courage to be able to follow that desire. 

I am exactly at the place where I am suppose to be. 

Now, look at all these happy faces it says LOVE all over it! 

Until the next time!! 

Muah! **Besos**

Regret vs Rejection

I'm pretty sure most of you know my grandfather has been battling Cancer this past year. This pic here was taken the night before I was leaving to Africa. 

He was at the hospital because they had found blood on his lungs. That night after seeing him, right on that hospital parking Lot, I Wept. I called my mom crying and told her I went to see him because I was not sure if that was the last time I was going to kiss him and tell him how much I love him. 

You see, my grandfather has always been very special to me. Strong character and protective. He has helped me so so much when I was on my own in California. 

As soon as he heard about an incident that had happened and I became a single mother, he got into a car with my grandma very discreet from the rest of the family and drove to California for 4 days and stayed with me for 3 weeks. Gave me Protection, support and strength to carry on with what I was about to face in the next 4 years. And did not leave my side until he felt I was emotional strong enough to continue pushing forward the battle I was facing at that moment.

Since then, he has been nothing but an amazing support system for me. 

There were times that I would crumble in desperation crying because I was so tired of court and not knowing how to keep going and his strong character would SHAKE me back UP into place telling me that I needed to calm down and face whatever I needed to face because I could not let myself crumble. I was to keep walking on victory. He would remind me how far I've come and he would demand for me to remain STRONG at all times and guess what?... I did. 

He has been a big part of where I am today and I have been so blessed for his support, especially emotional. 

 Sometimes after a long week, I would sit on his couch at his living room and I instantly would feel a sense of protection... I instantly felt this amazing feeling of peace that everything was going to be ok. 

And today it is! :-) 

 

When I came back from my trip on Sunday, I did got a chance to see him again. This time he was out of the hospital, back on his house. But he was very thin and weak and with the news from the doctor that he only had about 5 months to live. ;-( 

I was heartbroken, I knew it was bound to happen but it doesn't matter, I'm still heartbroken.

 

And you know, as I'm sitting here writing about this, I think about the moment I went to see him today. I was very excited to go to show him some pictures of my Trip to Africa. But when I got there he was so weak and having a hard day. It was very difficult for him to breath even with the oxygen machine. 

And as I sat there by him, I pondered on that very moment. 

How can someone prepares for his/her death? 

There is this man, which I have the pleasure to call my grandfather. Has been blessed with a full rich long life. God allowed him to see the big generation he will be leaving behind. He has been the strong Root that keeps our family together. And here he is preparing for his death to leave this earth and to depart from our lives.

 It made me wonder how does it feels and as I write this it makes sad even more. How can one prepares for this? 

When we know a baby is about to be born, we count the days in expectancy and celebration of the precious new life that is about to come. 

And yet, when we are getting ready to leave this earth and preparing for our death, how is it going to look like for many of us!?

Gosh! Another lesson for me, this has been a very Life changing month for me.. In between my trip to California, my emotional roller coaster experience in Africa, the aftermath of digesting after coming back home and seeing my grandfather getting ready to depart from this life, it has made me re-evaluate what really is important in life and reiterates what I've already learn in the past 4 years and confirms to my life what really matters.

We have become a society that plays a lot of games when it comes to relationships... (that's any kind of relationships) and because of this we are missing out on so much more. We miss out on people, potential relationships, friendships etc. Just because we overthink things or set and follow "society stupid rules" or for the simple fact of fear of rejection. We miss out on opportunities again for fear..(failure, risks, rejection) etc., that if you were the one preparing for your death, would you be regretting some things in your life?! Would you regret forgiving and letting go of something? Would you be regretting not pursuing someone you genuinely love?!

My friends, If you love someone, call and let them know. If you think about someone, if you like and Appreciate someone CALL and let them know today! If you have them by you, give them a HUG and MEAN it. If you need to apologize, Do it, if you need to forgive.. Forgive and move on! 

Take that chance, who cares about rejection. The pain of REGRET will surpass way more than the pain of REJECTION.

I know my grandfather is at peace, he has been nothing but a Great man and I'm proud of calling him Grandpa (Guelo). 

I am sad, very sad but I accept the cycle of this life and Gods will.

Please pray for our family & if you see me, give me a HUG, I sure need one! 

Much Love!

#divacheckingOUT #grandaughtersLove

#grandpaLove