..Sometimes, I am speechless and I don't have all the answers. 
..Sometimes I cry in the middle of the night wondering how long do I have to keep my "stance".
..Other times I laugh uncontrollably, until my belly hurts.
..Many times I redirect my thoughts and focus into the One that created me. 
..And as I am reminiscing back on this year, gratefulness does not come close to how I feel. 

But this picture right here was the defining moment for me this year. 

It was in the balcony of my hotel in Siena. It was the FaceTime call I made to my mom and sister and then to my dad. It was my big smile, sharing with them the breathtaking view, that looked as it was taken straight outta of a textbook. 
Right then and there, I felt God kissing my soul. 
Right then and there, I knew how it feels to truly follow your dreams. 
So, my birthday message this year, won't about me and all the wonderful things I have done this year.. Or all the pains and challenges I have gone through, but instead the message this year is a challenge to all of us.

What are we doing towards reaching our FULL potential? What are we doing to Block the doubts that we all place in our hearts? What are we going to do for ourselves, instead of sitting in front of a screen comparing our lives to others? What are we going to do to find justice and healing inside our hearts?

I know we have circumstances out of our control, but are we wiping our tears and getting up and trying again, or are we laying in bed crying, believing all the lies we tell ourselves? 

This year I learned that I don't have to prove myself to anyone.
This year I learned that no matter how ridiculous our dreams look like "on paper", saying yes to the impossible is worth every tear, every sacrifice of time and every negative word turned away from my destiny. 
"What you THINK about, You BRING about"... And boy, ain't that the truth. 

I pray this year that God will INCREASE my Discernment to continue to fulfill His purpose in me. I pray that He will give me the boldness and strength to continue that journey. 
Thank you for being part of my life! Cheers to 37 years young!!!  ☝️Actually it is just my 7th anniversary of my 30th bday 😉😘💃💕🎉🌹💃

💕💕Setting Healthy Boundaries💕💕

💕Setting Healthy Boundaries💕

Over the years this has been something I have been working on myself and I am pleased to see my own growth and improvement in this area. 
While cleaning some boxes today, I found a note I wrote to myself years ago and I want to share it with you in case you are the one who need this note Today:

"When a strong person can say NO to his/her own inclination to do the wrong thing, ONLY then can his/her yes BE a REAL YES."

Be CLEAR about what your appropriate boundaries ....CREATE INTEGRITY. When we have a BALANCED Love and Fear of God then our YES is really YES and our NO is really NO.
The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are NOT acceptable to us. 
A First step is starting to know that we have the RIGHT to protect and defend ourselves. That we have not only the right, but the DUTY to take RESPONSIBILITY for how we allow others to treat us."

I smile when glancing back to the place I used to be, because I can rejoice of how far I've come.

I hope you get to experience the same while reading this. And if you are NOT there yet, then chin up and get back on track!!! #YOUareWORTHit

Much Love, 
----DivaOnTheLoose-- 😘😘😘💕💕💕 #SundayInspiration #chinUp#boundaries 

"One on One with Mari"

Happy 36th Birthday to ME!!!!!!!.....

So here is my yearly birthday speech as usual..... Some things will never change.....
and because stopping for a moment and reflecting on the changes, growth, new and old doors (opening and closing), new found and lost love, pain, discovering places within that have healed and some other places that need some more healing attention, reflecting in all of that and more, it really does good to the soul sometimes.

So, allowed me this year to give you a......
"One on One with Mari"

If we were to sit across from each other at a coffee table, I probably would share with you that my heart ached this year quite a bit, in fact, a Whole lot, in occasions. But I have learned to find Joy even through pain because of the mighty King that stands right beside me.
I would also tell you that this year I actually fell in love for the first time in a very long time, with someone special that I met and quickly learned to care. This person brought beautiful things to light about myself that I actually had forgotten. We shared moments that I will always cherish, we really grew a beautiful friendship together. But I knew he was not the one, my spirit convicted me because I know I ought to honor God, myself and my family. I knew I have to let go of the grasp because of Chastity, because I had to make a decision of following through with upholding God's values in a broken society that confuses us to sometimes settle for less because of certain voids we want to fill in our lives. I would tell you that with a heart made pieces and my eyes full of tears, I chose God this year again. 
And you know, sometimes choosing God is not unicorns shooting rainbows. And even though my heart was shattered by the "slam of that door", I can also show you God's other side of the coin.

He in turn opened a Big and amazing door for me to start College, to serve in a Church that encourages people to nurture their Value in ourselves and in others. 
He gave me even more meaningful and fruitful friendships that push me and help me grow in Him. 
Not only He has given me the opportunity to start school again, but He has provided me with the ability to manage my time, He has challenged me and help me grow to make it work. He continues to give me a sharp mind daily to help me succeed in my assignments. And would you know that I had no idea how I was going to fund my school, but I didn't question Him and today I can testify that God has funded me completely this semester. I also received confirmation just last week before Thanksgiving that I was being selected for and got APPROVED a scholarship on TOP of the one I already had for this school year because of my academics. Which means that I am COMPLETELY not funded but -over funded -for my Spring Semester without this semester even been over. He never ceases to amaze me. 
And well this is why I choose Joy, because in the midst of my heartbreak, in the midst of my longing for companionship, God continues to teach me that He was, is and Will Be the ONLY filling source in my life. I have so many things to be thankful for, I have so many things to be excited about that I can deal with letting go of my own grasp. I will continue to "drop my own will" to pick up His will every single day! 

I pray that God will keep me focused in the path He has set for me. I pray that he continues to give me a sharp and alert Spirit of Discernment for His will. I pray that He places more people in my life to plant His seed. 

So this week I will joyfully celebrate my 6th anniversary of my 30th Birthday, in between lunches and dinners with beautiful friends, in between Sisterhood, Church family gatherings, dancing and of course many glasses of wine 🍷🍷..
***Cheers to MEEEE... cheers to another Year, Cheers to pushing to new heights, Cheers to following new and scary dreams... CHEERS to those who continue to being part of my life!***

I love you with all my heart!!! 💕💕💕😘😘😘😘😘
**Besos*** 

"I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings"-- Jeremiah 17:10--

Yes, Lord search my heart, try the reins....

Thank you Jesus!! 🙏🙏💓💓

Carry Me through... Into your Greater Purpose

There is a mountain//Here before me //And I'm going to climb it // With strength not my own // He's gonna lead me // or the mountain beats me // Carry me through // Carry me through 🎶 

Tonight's sermon @somoschurch has been one of The MOST SPECIAL nights! I was so excited to have a whole row reserved for friends to come listen to a wonderful and special message we were having tonight. And As I sit here trying to "digest" tonight's message, I have had that song stuck in my head. 

There are mountains, here before us, and we are going to climb them with strength not our own. There are rivers, here before us, and we are going to cross them, with strength NOT our own. ... Because He carry us through, Oh Lord you carry US through.

Listening to @samcollier 's story tonight, opened my eyes to a whole new level of thinking. On how God uses all of our very different and unique stories and "connects" them all together. 
God's presence was there and I felt it.

The bright and sharp perspective that Sam brought to Somos tonight was amazing. To hear a testimony with challenges and pain BUT from a place of VICTORY. 

His story made me ponder on my own testimony, and it challenged me from this point forward that when I'm sharing my story, I need to make sure to elevate God's purpose/plan THROUGH IT! 

What kind of message are we giving to our community??! 

A message of "Resentment", of "Judgement", a message of "Pain"? 
Or
Are we giving a message of HOPE, FORGIVENESS, of LOVE to our community?! 

God taught me this through Sam tonight. It's not WHY?.. it is not, Why Me Lord?! 
It is about the Plan, it is about God's willingness to sacrifice that we go through the pain, the heartbreak, and endurance for His Greater purpose. 
He is willing to either spare us or sacrifice us, if the ultimate outcome means saving THOUSANDS. 
And that my friend is worth, every tear, and every heartbreak. 
#ItIsWellWithMySoul God.. It is well. 

🎶Oh, Lord remember // I try so hard // I walk and talk // your Kingdom Love//🎶 

Thank you Sam for your investment in us and even though we don't know each other, you embraced me tonight as a true Brother in Christ!! God bless you! 💕

What do YOU want?

For those of you "following" my #DivaChronicles & well for those that have no choice because is on your newsfeed anyway ((I know, ...your welcome 👏👌...☝️hang in there..😂😂))).

My heart STOPPED when I got notification that all of my grading was complete...

History final exam 100% and research Paper ((which I got about a total of 20 gray hairs Yo'!) 
From 400 points I got a Whooping 390!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!! 

There was so much crying Involved these past weeks, because I was tired.

 In occasions, I Wanted to pull my hair and had many sleepless nights but it was worth it!

Now, a little story about my history class and why it was so important for me to excel on it.

In the begginning of this class (1st week) there were a few things going on (( emotional most)) and that first week it was so hard,  trying to get the transition down. I had almost an anxiety attack before and during the exam and you know what?.... I flunked that test.. Like a 55 (F) to be more specific. 

The FIRST "F" in my life. 

I wanted to quit and I even told myself :" Well, I can't be too hard on myself because I am doing a lot, so as long as I get a C and pass this class, I'm good.." 

Then, my spirit convicted me, because here I was, God had given me the opportunity to go back to school and I am settling because of a little "hiccup.."
So u know what I did??!  I studied harder, I rearrange my schedule a bit, I had sleepless nights, drank coffee, cried, drank more coffee, had to say no to some fun outings with friends. In occasions I had to call my mom so she could calm me down. . She would prayed over me whenever she remember and I prayed a lot too! And from a D starting on this class I got an A... I was determined to get myself back out there.

And it made me think that often in life we do this same thing to ourselves, LIKE... Mostly ALL . THE.TIME. We fail and then back out and don't try harder, we pat ourselves on the back, say "At, least I tries".. And go and settle for that and we dare not try again. 

So yes!!!! You see an  A.. Oh Yay for me,  That's awesome.. Blah blah blah right?? But reality is ... Nope, I'm
Not lucky or "gifted" and NOPE this is not a breeze. We all have what it takes... IT SUCKS at times, it is stressful, but you just gotta keep pushing! 

And you know,  I'm glad for my F because it positioned my heart and gave me a clear vision for where I wanted to take myself!

My Pastor @coylindsey  Said: "Knowing what you want can change where you will end up" -Coy Lindsey

When we truly KNOW what we Want we can MAKE IT hAppen!!!
...

So for you, I share my Pastor's words:" What do YOU Want?!.... Name IT... Describe it... Believe that you have what it takes....seek a plan of attack...& NEVER GIVE UP"

Never give up Yo'! 

Now, onto my next 2 classes ....

#HonorsRoll #HereICome 
#SEU #SeuStudent #SouthEasternUniversity 
#CommunicationsStudent 

"In YOU I Find REST"

💕💕 She is a single mom, a daughter, a survivor, a missionary, a full time student and has a demanding career!
She loves God and people with passion, she wishes to be a Journalist one day! 
Sometimes she calls her mom in the middle of the night crying because she wishes the heart will stop hurting from time to time. 
She questions herself and life situations, but still finds the strength to smile often. 
There are days when she is exhausted and does not want to keep "pushing", but in the midst of that she keeps SHOWING UP! 

Her heart wonders if she'll ever find a true companion in life.
From time to time she loses hope that there is a man out there that will honor her heart as God intended, BUT she KEEPS Believing His promises.
Often times she is referred as the "one with the curly hair", or "Ms. Diva", or "Superwoman". 
But truth is, she is as fragile as everyone else, she is KNOWN by God, she has no super powers, she is LOVED. 

The character behind this story is Me. 
I have many stories..... A compilation of Failures and Victories. 
BUT this particular story is the one I am carrying in my heart today! 

I still smile, I still crumble daily, I still hurt from time to time, I still wonder, I am still trying to figure it out. 💕

But I stand strong, because of God, because of Community, because of the mentors and pastors that God surrounds me daily.

Thank you to the people who invest and value my story, to "The Church Community in Lakeland", to my Pastor and the Somos Family for the Godly inspiration you are bringing into my life.  
💕💕-M.Matta

#SomosChurch #SomosFamily #EmbraceYourStory 
#CantWaitForSaturday

📷 credit: Melissa Riesenberg
📷 edit : M.Matta

Do you really BELIEVE?......

.... This past weekend and the beginning of this week were very hard and tiring for me. A lot of transitions in different areas of my life happening all at the same time.

But today it was a highlight for me... God gave me a little "nudge"... That "umph", that I so desperately needed... That little whisper of... 

"Daughter, I got you, keep moving your steps towards my guidance. You don't need to know all the details of the place I am taking you.. Trust me!"... 

Those were some Sweet words I felt in my spirit that reenergized me! ((Hence the fact, that I have only had about 4 hours of sleep in the past 2 days)) 😏😉

Today, was the first official student meeting, for new students and returning students from the CAM (College of Arts and Media) part of the SEU! And as I was walking down to find the building, I could not believe that it was ACTUALLY happening. 

I thought about the VERY first time I set foot on that campus. It was 4 years ago, I had only been in Florida for about 2 months. I was taking one of my cousins for her new student orientation (Yari) and I remembered CLEARLY when I told myself, and felt in my heart that I was one day coming back as a student myself.
I didn't know, how or when, BUT I BELIEVED. And TODAY, I had to fight my tears walking down towards the building.  

Do you know that almost 6 years ago, when I recently went through my separation, a person whom I used to admire back then, came to my house in California, sat across from me at my dinner table and told me all the statistics of how a single mother has NO way of "Making it" and so I was much better off staying in a destructive and toxic marriage??! 

Yes! It happened, but you know... As BROKEN as I was back then.... I BELIEVED that God was BIGGER.... I BELIEVED that life was not intended to be like it was.... I BELIEVED that God has NO LIMITATIONS.

It says in His word: 
""For I know the plans I have for you", declares the LORD. "plans to PROSPER you and not harm you, plans to give HOPE and a FUTURE."
~Jeremiah 29:11~ 

...... Plans to Prosper, to Give Hope and a FUTURE.. YES!!!!!  a Future... 

Every .....single .......step I have taken in the last 6 years whether it has caused me pain, disappointment, discomfort, sorrow, happiness, tears, laugh or joy..... It has simply been a Confirmation of His word in my life.

Today, He opened a little tiny small window of the plans He has for the future.., a little glance of the opportunities ahead He has for me. Today, He REVEALED to me that the place He Brought me THROUGH, does NOT compare for what He has in store for me. And I felt my heart missing a couple of beats from the excitement!!!!!! 

From many creative writing opportunities, exploring broadcasting, photojournalism, STUDY ABROAD trips!!!!! Filming festivals... Etc.... It amazes me to see that when you wait in the LORD, He places you exactly where you need to be at the RIGHT TIME! 

And my question to you today is not going to be whether you are Believing or not.... 
My question to you today is 

In what MAGNITUDE are you BELIEVING in Him? Are you limiting yourself? Are you letting others influence you into setting limitations to God?

...... I pray today that you Believe He will PROSPER YOU, no matter the circumstances you are in, I pray that you Believe He is the ONLY..... And I repeat THE ONLY giving source of Hope in your LIFE, and I pray that you believe in the BIG FUTURE He has planned for you!!!!! And it is my hope that your receive His Word!!! 
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 

"People may mock you for you faith, it's not because you are doing something wrong. Don't be discouraged. God has counted you worthy of the Calling. God call us to do certain things. Stay in the faith. WALK worthy of your Calling. 👠👠"

#DivaSlamminTheMic 🎤🎤

#SEUFire #SEUCAM #SEUStudyAbroad #Calling #Worthy #PlanstoProsper #HopeAndAFuture 
#SingleMom #DivaCollegeChronicles 
#BroadcastingComingSoon #MediaAndDesign 🎬📚📖🎥🎤🎶💻💗💗💗🙏🙏🙏